I'm not who I was...

I've always heard that growth is good. And I truly believe it is. It's important to grow and change. I am not the same person I was even a year ago. I have changed to adapt to where I am now and what is happening in my life now. I have stretched and changed. I can't stay at where I was before. It's not who I am now. God has moved me on. A friend of mine once said that growth is so important to have because the opposite of it is not good. The opposite of growth is death. So as painful as growing and stretching can be I need to do it. I can't be where God wants me to be tomorrow if I'm not willing move to where He wants me today. You might think that this is rather random and it is, but it is also me wanting to express what I have been learning lately.

I have learnt that I am not perfect. I mess up more then I do right. I try and that's all that I can do. I can strive to do more but in the end I can only do what I can do. I am learning that it's ok. It's ok to not have it all together. It's ok to be not ok sometimes. That I mess up but it's ok. God forgives me and my real friends do as well.

I'm learning that people disappoint and frustrate me. And I know I disappoint and frustrate others. I'm learning that I can't live up to someone else's expectations and standards. And other people can't live up to mine. I'm learning that not everyone is going to like me (a hard one for me). And I'm learning that I'm not going to like everybody.

I'm learning that's it's ok to say no sometimes. It kinda goes back to the having everyone like me thing. But sometimes I need to say no. I'm learning that it's ok to stay away from those who just want to use and abuse me. Who want to suck me into their drama. Who suck the life from me. Or make me apart of something I don't need to be apart of. I can't be their savior, only Jesus can be. I can't and don't have to fix other peoples problems for them. I can only do what God asks me to do.

I'm learning that I am a sponge. I absorb everything and I need to stop. I can't take everything upon myself. I'm not Superman. I can't do it all. I'm learning that that's ok too.

I need to learn how to let go of past hurts and resentments. To learn how to take criticism the right way. Not as a personal insult but as something, that if it's true, to gain wisdom from. And if it's not true to let it slide right off me. To not beat myself up over the things I can't do. But realize that there are many things that I can do. I need to realize that there is always room to learn more. To grow more. God help me to never stop growing.

Going to the Chapel...

I went to a wedding today. It's was incredibly beautiful. It was at Moli'i Gardens at Kualoa Ranch. Hidden away next to the fishpond. It's amazing how the early Hawaiians thought. They were quite brilliant in some things. Fish go in and feed, then get so big they can't get out. While I was standing there I could see and hear the splashing of fish leaping out of the water. One splash was so big and loud I thought somebody had jumped in! In the shallows a very large fish kept swimming by. His back fin and tail could be seen and would cut through the water as he went after his prey.

It is something that you would never guess is there. In fact I talked to several people who have lived on Oahu all their lives and never knew it was there. One of these days I would love to take some of the tours they offer at the ranch. The garden was gorgeous. The colors were so vivid and brilliant. Rich burgundies, bright scarlets, luminous yellows, greens in as many shades as you can possibly imagine, warm browns, and the vivid blue of the sky before soft gray clouds hid it from view. The perfect background for a wedding with all that color and the mountains standing directly behind the walkway for the bride. The adorable flower-girl and ring-bearer trailed after their father as he escorted his mother-in-law, the bride's mother to her seat. The bridesmaids dressed in breezy dresses of cerulean came next. Gracefully traveling down the curving stairs to stand in expectation for the bride. Soon the moment came when the bride stepped to to the top step with her father. She was radiantly beautiful. Shimmering with excitement and love for her groom. Down, she tread, getting closer and closer to the her love and the start of her new life. The ceremony was performed with care, making sure the gravity of the vows the bride and groom were making were carefully thought through. But it also expressed the joy of the moment. Soon came the exchanging of rings and partaking of communion. The best, as always, is saved for last, the first kiss as man and wife.

I think one of the reasons I love weddings so much (well at least the ones where I not running around like crazy trying to solve unexpected problems and accomplish everything that needs to get done) is because it is celebrating the joy of two people in love committing themselves to each other. And if they are serving God, committing their lives together to God. Awesome! Congratulations Mike and Julie!

Before the ceremony

Afterwards. Notice how there is no longer any blue peeking out.

They served pupus here while they took the pictures

Here comes the bride

She's so beautiful

The poor ring-bearer was feeling a little sleepy

At last

the kiss

When you say nothing at all...

So in the past week I had three people ask me if I was going to start blogging again. It made me realize just how long it had been since I wrote. Don't ask me why I stopped. I don't know. I actually really enjoy writing. I enjoy finding the right words to express myself. Call me a nerd but I find words fascinating. I have in the past, pulled out a dictionary and just started reading. That helped these past three months as I played alot of boggle with my parents.

Not only is it aptly using the language, but I really enjoy painting a picture of my thoughts to share. To give you a glimpse into me. To share some of myself with you. I sometimes find that funny because I really struggle when I have conversations with people. I usually leave the conversation replaying it back in my mind and feeling that I don't express myself well. I think that's why I like writing so much because I can put more thought into exactly what I want to say.

I also think that's why enjoy taking pictures so much. I am able to share what I see. To let you see through my eyes. See what moves me and fills me with awe. What makes me happy and makes me smile. I love capturing a moment to keep forever. The split second of time that is gone so quickly. To have a tangible thing to hold onto to help keep a memory. I often take my camera with me when I go out and force people to have their pictures taken. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have pictures to refresh in my mind a event that meant so much to me.

I once thought about what is my favorite thing to photograph and I don't think I could say it's any one thing. There is so much amazing beauty out there. In the vast and majestic. In the small and minute. The expressiveness of a smile or the eyes. The elegance of body lines. Creatures, cute and furry or sleek and graceful. Things taken for granted and often overlooked. I love it all.