Hungry, hungry, I am hungry...

It's has been really good being home. I mean really good. I can't get out of the still but grandma and grandpa are doing so much better. Grandma is getting around better now then before the surgery. And grandpa has been so much more awake and aware. Such a difference from before. It really helped changing his Parkinson's meds around. Yesterday I was able to give him a bath and shave. He was felling so good that I was able to take some pictures with him and grandma. That was kinda tricky because he is stuck in the bed and grandma can't move around too much so I was limited in what I could do. Then I couldn't take as many as I would have liked because they both weren't up to that. But I figured I better stick while the iron was hot and get some shots in.

Grandpa and Grandma

One of the good things that have come from this hospital visit has been that we've been able to just feed grandpa what he wants to eat. It sounds weird but grandma had so limited grandpa's diet that there wasn't much that he could eat. Now he can eat for pleasure. Though there is one stipulation, everything has to be pureed. Not a big problem but it makes for some interesting looking food. Case in point, today grandpa had some laulau that my auntie brought over. Now laulau looks kinda gross to begin with but pureed it's down right disgusting. Have a look!

Ewwwww

The view from my window the other day. Gorgeous!

Another nice thing about being home is that I can just sit and play on my computer (when I'm not rooming around). Right I've been having fun putting together slideshows from the pics I took when I was in Ohio this past May. I love my Mac. It has a great movie program that I've been using and loving. One of the things I really enjoy is finding just that right song to go with the pictures. I'm a real nerd about that. If you have noticed pretty much all my blog titles are either titles of songs or lyrics in them. Told you I was a nerd. But it keeps me out of trouble so I can't complain.

Be it ever so humble, there is no place like home...

Yea! We're home! Or at least some of us are. Yesterday we were able to bring grandpa home from the hospital. Yea! He likes being home so much better. Can't say that I blame him. Yesterday was also grandma's gall bladder surgery. Everything went really well and when I talked to the surgeon he said he was very pleased with it. She was supposed to be able to come home yesterday a couple hours after the surgery but she didn't feel up to it so she stayed the night. That actually worked out well as I just had grandpa to get settled. We could have done it but this worked much better. I talked to her this morning and she said that she only had pain when she breathed in?!? So isn't that like all the time??? I don't know. She sounded good just kinda tired. Hopefully she'll be up and on her feet in no time.

We decided against the feeding tube as grandpa really didn't want it. It was more of us wanting to make him comfortable. When he was in the hospital he didn't eat for like 3 days because they were worried about him choking. It was so hard to have him tell us how hungry he is and ask why they wouldn't feed him. He is now able to eat it just has to be pureed and his liquids have to be thickened. We discussed it with a doctor who specialises in geriatrics and she informed us of what are options are. Grandpa is now under hospice care. What that means is that he is at the point where the disease is beyond fixing and we are just now keeping grandpa comfortable. I had always thought that hospice was for like the last 3 months of your life. But the hospice worker who got us started said they have had patients who were in hospice for 20 months. The main thing is just keeping the patient as comfortable as possible. This is a huge blessing for me as I didn't know what to do now. I've done care just never end of life care. It's totally different. It's wonderful to have their experience and knowledge at our disposal. We will now have a nurse come visit us at home once a week. And there is a nurse on call 24 hours a day for any questions or concerns we have. We don't ever have to take grandpa to the hospital again. They are able to provide all the medical care we need. I am so thankful for this because this is exactly what we needed.

Livin' la vida loca...

On Saturday I was able to go to a couple friend's wedding. I was so glad because it was pretty iffy that I would be able to. But I was and had a great time. Congrats guys! Well while I was there Scott mentioned something about he was glad I was able to get out because the last couple of blogs have been such downers. Not his exact words. I have paraphrased. I was thinking that they have been and it's kinda sad but that's my life now. And on Sunday it was another one of "those" kinds of days.

The day started quietly enough with going back to the bedroom to catch some extra zzz's after spending the night on the couch. When I got up again I discovered that grandma decided not to go to church that day. She did go back to her room to lay down when I got up. Grandpa was having some problems with drainage from his nose sticking around in the back of the throat. Because of the Parkinsons he couldn't cough hard enough to really move it and he was having problems swallowing. I ran out to the store real quick to get a nasal syringe and when I got back I found out grandma had called 911. I could hear the sirens coming down the street as I went in the house. They followed me in not long after that. Thankfully grandma's pastor came over soon after so she was able to keep grandma calm as I tried to fill in the firefighter getting grandpa's info. A short while after that we were in the ambulance on our way to Castle ER. Then the 20 questions started again. Also thankfully grandma was able to get a ride from Pastor and by the time she showed up grandpa was pretty settled. Then the waiting began. There's alot of hurry up and wait involved with the ER's I've found. By 4:45 my cousin came to see grandpa and was able to take grandma home. About 15 minutes after they left. The transfer ambulance showed up to take grandpa over to Moanalua Hospital.

The brand new ER over there just opened at 2:30 in the morning. the poor nurses were running around trying to find everything. And the new ER is HUGE!!! One of the nurses joked about dropping bread crumbs so that they would be able to found their way back. Through this all grandpa did really well. He was breathing fine after they suctioned him within the first 20 minutes of being at Castle ER. They were really concerned because he was dehydrated. That has been a concern of mine but it;s hard to get him to drink enough water anyways but doubly hard now that he is sleeping more. Plus hallucinating and agitated more often then not when he is not sleeping. They also found that he has pneumonia but that doesn't seem to concern them as much as the dehydration and his very low blood pressure.

As of today he is doing very well. They admitted him to the hospital that night. My uncle and cousin brought my grandma and the car. They stayed a hour or so then I forced grandma to go home. Which was good because I didn't get home until 11:30 that night. We have decided to have grandpa have a feeding tube which will really help with his dehydration problem. So we don't exactly know when grandpa will be out of the hospital. Hopefully soon.

Then of course there is grandma's surgery on Friday. Tomorrow is her pre-op. Then Friday is the surgery. The recovery isn't suppose to be bad but you never know with grandma.

So that is my crazy life right now. A whole lot of hospital. So far it's been 3 days straight of all day at the hospital. Without a end in sight for now. Yesterday a friend kidnapped me for lunch for a couple hours. That was so needed. Thank you Angela! It wouldn't be so hard but it's not like I can just concentrate on grandpa. I have to care for grandma as well. At times having to just bite my tongue at things she does. Oh well. That's life. At least my life.

Happy Birthday to youuuu...

It's time for another family birthday. This time it's my sister Dara (for number in line please refer back to Country Road post). Happy Birthday Dara!



You can be praying for us as we have moved into yet another season of change over here. Grandma has discovered that she has gall stones and will have to get them removed. Or have her gallbladder removed. She has had several friends tell her that they've had their gallbladders removed and that she shouldn't go that route. She saw the doctor and they recommend taking the gallbladder out. They set the appointment tentatively for next Friday. If not then, then the 30th. She had a peace about the surgery yesterday then today she is waffling. Talking about the recovery and what it might be like.

She has been having problems as well again with feeling her head is all foggy and she can't think straight. She also was having problems with her legs feeling 'heavy' and that she can hardly move them. She went through a battery of tests last year and they didn't tell us much. They think her leg problems were caused by a pinched nerve. Sometimes I think she gets so emotionally overwhelmed and this is her way of handling it. She kinda shuts down. She knows that I'll take care of grandpa. Lately she has been spending alot of time back in the bedroom while I stay out with grandpa.

I think one of the reasons for that is because grandpa is slipping away from us. He has been hallucinating more and when he's not hallucinating more often then not he's sleeping. Though I don't care for that as much it is easier when he does sleep. At times when he hallucinates he gets combative and antagonistic. Or argumentative. This is not grandpa at all and I think grandma is taking it hard. That's very understandable. But it doesn't make it any easier.

I get by with a little help from my friends...

I just wanted to take a moment to say how thankful I am for the people that God has put in my life. I really have some amazing friends. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. As quite a few of you will attest I am terribly negligent when it comes to keeping in touch with people. I always have the best intentions and more often then not that's all it is; good intentions. But no matter how terrible I am my friends are very forgiving and when I do see them it's as if no time has passed. What with missing alot of church and mini church it has been a bit since I've seen everyone. This on top of being gone for a month at my mainland home. Then there are my wonderful friends on the mainland. There must be times they wonder if I have fallen off the face of the earth. To all my friends a heartfelt thank you!!!

Yesterday was truly a blessing to me in more then one way. In the afternoon I was able to get out with Keao and go for a walk. That was great because not only did I get some sunshine and excercise but I got to hang out with Keao. Since I've tied to home more those have been some things I've been lacking. If you have ever read Gary Chapman's book on the five love languages you will understand what I'm saying when I say spending time with people I care about really fills my 'love tank'. My primary love language is quality time. The time spent with Keao blessed me so much. Thank you Keao, you don't even know!

Then in the evening I was able to go mini church. Yea!!! Love that mini church! My mini church has undergone a lot of changes in the past few months. Right before I left to the mainland Malia, my mini church shepherd, the defector...just kidding...kinda, left our mini church to start a couples one. I am, as you can see, not bitter about this. I was sad to see her go because that night was one of the few chances I have to just sit and catch up with her. My friend Dural took over as mini church shepherd. I really appreciate him, he does a great job. He's one of the 'good guys'.

Since I started this mini church it has gone through so many changes. When I first went it was just a women's mini church at someone's house. Then that leader left and it changed to a 'coed' mini church at the shepherd's grandma's house. Then we moved to Starbucks after that leader moved. Now we are at someone's house again. That's nice because we do worship now. Last night's was really good. Our group has also grown. Last night we had 14 people there! I think I am the only on left from the original mini church. It's good to have new people but it changes the feel of the group and though I excited at what is happening I'm kinda sad too to see it change.

Today is also my dad's birthday.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Dad is good at keeping his kids in line

July is a crazy month for b-days in my family. I've already missed a couple so I will give them the shout out now. I going to try to remember doing this on a regular basis.

Happy Birthday Chrissy!

My sister's: Dara and the birthday girl Chrissy

Happy Birthday Katy!

Me and the birthday girl Katy

Happy Birthday Angeline!

My mom and the birthday girl Angeline

I also have to mention some birthdays for my 'other' family.

Happy Birthday Auntie Sharen!

Happy Birthday Auntie Mary!

The birthday dinner for the July birthday girls. Back row: Angela and me, Front row: Auntie Judy, birthday girl Auntie Mary, birthday girl Auntie Sharen.

Happy Birthday Malia!

Me, the birthday girl Malia, Krystie, Pua. This picture is rather appropriate as Malia just got engaged.

If I have missed any of your birthdays I'm sorry. Yell at me later.

Venting...

Sorry guys. I'm apologizing now because this posting is just going to be me venting.

I've been so frustrated lately. I've been at home alot more lately. It's been hard getting out. Which is why I'm here, to take care of my grandparents, so I can't complain too much. But it's hard because I've missed so much church lately, whether it be church or mini church. And I think that's part of the reason of I've been so frustrated lately. There hasn't been much getting out and getting some distance to get perspective.

On one hand I have the whole thing with my grandpa. He has definitely gotten worse. He has lost so much weight. You can see his hip bones and I can almost fit my fingers all the way around his ankle. His calves and thighs are about the same size. He's just so skinny. It's been hard to get him to eat. He's just not hungry. Then he has been sleeping a whole lot more. It used to be when I first got here he would get up in the morning, be up all morning, have lunch, then take a hour nap. After the nap he would be up all afternoon and evening. Sometimes he would go to bed early but for the most part he would go to bed around 9. Though when I first got here we did have problems with grandpa getting up alot at night. That's not the case now but in some ways I wish he would be up more. Right now his sleeping more during the day is better for grandma because when he is up he is hallucinating more. When he hallucinates he can get really agitated or belligerent. It's hard because he really isn't my grandpa then. He has always been a gentle, quiet man. Very intelligent and independent. My grandparents would always do for themselves. Accepting help has always been hard for them. But they were always the first to offer help.

The Parkinson's disease has stolen so much away from him. He has told me on a number of occasions that he can't take it anymore. That he's depressed. It's so hard to see him like this. To try to do the best for him. He has already stated that he doesn't want a feeding tube. When his ability to swallow goes, which happens with Parkinson's, he doesn't want to have anything done. I respect his will in wanting this done but I can't imagine watching it happen. He also has a do not resuscitate order so when he goes he wants to go. I can understand that but it's still hard to do.

He has really gone downhill in the way of his abilities in the past couple of years. When I first got here I worked really hard with him to get him up everyday, if not walking up and down the hallway then sitting up in the wheelchair for a while. Now it's a good week if I can get him up in the wheelchair once. And more often then not it is him not wanting to get out of bed and walk around. Now he just doesn't care as much. More then anything I think he's lost his will to fight this anymore. He's just tired and wants to go 'home'. I feel really guilty to because every time I went home he seemed to lose more ground. Especially when I went home for 3 months for the weddings. I know I shouldn't but I carry alot of feelings of I didn't do enough and am not doing enough. I feel guilty for each time I leave the house. More often then not I have no idea what I'm doing but I have to play it calm because grandma is such a worrier and goes into panic mode.

And it's not just having to deal with all the things with grandpa. It's having to deal with all the things with grandma as well. Which is probably my biggest struggle right now. She and I are definitely of different personalities. And sometimes I just feel rubbed raw. I'm trying not totake things personally but it's hard. I feel that I can't say anything because she either gets all upset with me or ignores what I say. Like when she thinks grandpa has a fever. She will ask me when I tell her I don't think he does she just argues with me. I been really trying to work on this because I know more then anything it's my reaction that causes the problems. And she has told me that she sometimes feels the same way about me. That I don't think she knows anything or I ignore her. It's just so much of what she says and does I don't agree with. She will stop medication because she will suddenly read something against it. Whether it be from a newspaper or one of her many doctors books. She has been better about talking with the doctor first. But it still drives me nuts. Case in point, today she decide to stop grandpa's Parkinson's medication because she read something in a book. I was so upset. She does this to me when I just wake up. It's almost like I go out a get a bomb thrown at me. No warning just figure out a way to deal with it. I feel that way too at times when I go out. That when I step back into the house I don't quite know what I'll be hit with. At times there is no respite. I already knew today that my pressure level was high. So I just went into the bathroom. Then I called my mom. Luckily while I talked to my mom grandma decided to give grandpa the meds for now so she called me out to try to give it to him. Unfortunately grandpa is really tired today and I can't get him to wake up. I was finally able to give it to him a half hour later. But he's still sleeping.

I'm really trying so hard to be sensitive to her needs and her feelings. The other day she was really upset after a bad episode with grandpa. We finally got grandpa calm and grandma went into the bedroom. As I sat there I felt I should go and check on her. When I went back she was on the bed crying. So I went in and we talked and prayed. I asked her if she called her pastor to pray. She hadn't. I encouraged her to call her and she did. Which was good. She also called another friend who prayed with her then came over for about an hour. At times I just can't deal with having to calm her and grandpa.

Then there is the whole thing with grandma's health. On Sunday night she hard really bad stomach pain. I was out at a friends house so I came home. I was just home for a little bit when she felt better. Which was good. She called the doctor and went in for a appointment a couple days later. They couldn't find anything. The way she worries all the time I wouldn't be all that surprised if she got a ulcer. Then on Thursday she did some wash and when she came in she said it was like she couldn't move her legs. She had problems with that before and they couldn't find anything when they did a bunch of tests. It doesn't help the grandma always thinks the worst thing that can happen is happening. And she tends to be a little bit of a hypochondriac. So lately it just seems that if isn't one thing it's another. I'm going to end my rant now. I told you I was going to vent, sorry. Pray for us if you think about us. We would appreciate it.